December 7, 2024
Author(s): Rabbi Wes Gardenswartz,
Parashat Vayetzei
Not Giving Up On
December 7, 2024 – 6 Kislev 5785
Temple Emanuel, Newton, MA
On a Tuesday in late October, 2022, Jared Goff, a quarterback for the Detroit Lions, was summoned to a meeting in the office of his coach Dan Campbell. The summons gave Jared Goff a pit in his stomach. He figured he was going to be benched or released—fired. Some version of bad news felt inevitable. Goff had begun his career with the Los Angeles Rams, who had traded him to the Detroit Lions for the Lions’ former quarterback, Matthew Stafford. In his first year, Stafford led the Rams to a Super Bowl victory. But Goff’s first year for the Lions was a disaster. The team went 3-13-1. His second season started out just as bad: one win, six losses, including an ugly loss that Sunday in which Goff played terribly. Hence the summons to the coach’s office.
When he got to the coach’s office, to Goff’s surprise, Coach Campbell did not have bad news. He had a good question. Jared, you are a much better player than the way you have been playing. What do you think is going on? What do you think you might do differently to play better? What tweak might we think about? To which Jared Goff responded: I’ve been trying to do too much. I need to let go of all my anxiety and just do my best one play at a time. To which Campbell responded: Jared, that’s all I’ve wanted you to do this whole time.
The next game, Jared Goff played dramatically better. The team still lost, but his play improved appreciably. And the game after that, the Lions won, and they have been winning ever since. This year the Lions are tied for the best record in the league. Goff’s play has been spectacular.
I bring up this story not to talk about football but to talk about how to respond to people who are seriously struggling. Jared Goff assumed that he was going to be benched or released. But Dan Campbell did not give up on him. How do we not give up on people or places that we love that are going through a hard time?
In an article that appeared this week in the Athletic, Jared Goff observed:
I think there were moments where Dan could have turned his back on me…He was the head coach on a team that was 0-10-1, and then at the end of the season we were 3-13-1. Could’ve done it then; could’ve done it in the middle of that first season; could’ve done it the next year when we were 1-6 to start. And he never did. And I’m thankful for that. Cause you see it all over the league, where somebody’s head’s got to fall. They were calling for his head… They were calling for my head. And Dan just held the line and said, “No, I believe in what we’re doing here, I believe in Jared, I believe in what we have going on, and he’s our guy. And here we are.
The title of the article is “How Jared Goff hitting rock bottom became his and the Detroit Lions’ salvation.” What makes not giving up on somebody hard is that it always occurs in a context where that person is struggling mightily. We never talk about not giving up on somebody when they are thriving. The whole issue of not giving up on somebody only happens when they hit rock bottom.
There is a lot of rock bottom in our lives and in our hearts now.
Today is December 7, one year and two months after October 7. Israel is in a hard and dark place. Can we not give up on Israel? Can we say I will not leave you. I believe in you. We just had an Aliyah for a group of our members who are going to Israel as part of CJP’s Israel Solidarity Mission. They are showing up for Israel. They are saying hineni, I am here for you, even in this very hard time. How do we all show up in our own ways?
We live in a 50 50 country. Each side has deep convictions and deep anxieties. If we are part of the 50% of our country whose candidate did not win and are very worried about what will be, can we not give up on the United States of America? Can we say I will not leave you. I believe in you.
If our loved one is struggling, if they have hit their version of rock bottom—a mental health problem, a physical health problem, a substance abuse problem, a loneliness problem, an unemployment problem, a financial problem–can we not give up on them? Can we say I will never leave you. I believe in you.
Giving up on the person or place who is struggling is easier. It is just too hard. Too sad. To exhausting. Not giving up on is harder. Not giving up on is a big mitzvah. We know that because the one who does not give up on someone who has hit rock bottom is God.
Jacob has hit rock bottom, literally. In last week’s portion, he lied to his blind father and stole his brother Esau’s blessing. Esau vowed to kill him. Jacob ran for his life. He is all alone, without a friend in the world. The Torah gives a literal expression to rock bottom:
Jacob came upon a certain place and stopped there for the night, for the sun had set. Taking one of the stones of that place he put it under his head and lay down in that place.
He is not in a hotel. He is not in a motel. He is not at an Air B & B. He is not in an RV. He is out in nature, vulnerable, sleeping on a rock, worried about being killed. That is rock bottom.
But God will not give up on Jacob, even when he has hit rock bottom. God promises Jacob: Remember, I am with you…I will not leave you…
Here is my question. Can we channel God’s voice to Jacob? Can we say I will not leave you. I believe in you.
How do we do it?
I recently attended the funeral of a beloved patriarch of a large and loving family. This patriarch was warm and effusive and loving. The rabbi at his service told a story that speaks to our moment. She shared that whenever she would visit this lovely gentleman in his last chapter, she would always end the visit with a blessing, with a misheberakh. He would receive her blessing, but he also wanted to bless her. The very last time they met, when he was in his final days, she asked if she could give him a misheberakh. He said yes. When she was done, he said he wanted to bless her. He began: “May you…” He continued: “May you…” His essence was to love, to give, to bless. But he ran out of strength and energy. His final prayer was an unfinished prayer: “May you…” His final blessing was an unfinished blessing: “May you…”
Can we offer that love, that “May you…” love, to the people and places we love that have hit rock bottom.
May you…shows our love, that we believe in them, that we are not going to leave them.
And may you…invites the people we love to find their own way, to devise their own solution. Coach Campbell asked Jared Goff: what do you think is going on? What tweak would you like to make? The coach asked, he didn’t tell. He invited a conversation, he didn’t prescribe. That combination of support and openness allowed Jared Goff to go from rock bottom to a better place. The ones we love can do that too. “May you…” Let them finish the prayer. Shabbat shalom.